My dog head butted my door, so i open it and he rolls on his back for a belly rub, so i oblige the little cutie patootie, then i get up and he runs and is excited and is wagging his tail, and i say, “i can’t play with you now, i have to go to sleep.” And i swear he knew. His ears drooped and his tail dropped. I broke his little heart.
Are you kidding me
Who the fuck threw that blue shell
I will fuck you up
- Everyone: what's "robosteph"?
- Me: it's who i am.
And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”
And Abraham replied, “What.”
God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.
And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”
To which they responded, “Gay.”
And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.
see you all in hell
This whole losing weight thing sucks when you actually have to work at it.
There are so many shirtless buff hunks of delicious man meat hockey players on this show. I could get used to this. But then I get sad thinking I can’t lick nutella off their chests/biceps.